Dauntlessness in Abnegation
by AtLoLevad
Summary: I should not have chosen Abnegation. I am too selfish for this. An AU inspired by Tris wondering if she and Tobias would have met if they had chosen their original faction. NOW COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

I should not have chosen Abnegation.

I am too selfish.

Or maybe, I am not. Surely choosing Abnegation for my parents is selfless? Isn't Caleb the selfish one for leaving?

I work to push the thought from my mind. I should not be condemning anyone's choices, it is selfish of me.

I twist my blonde hair into a bun at the nape of my neck, it is time for me to start my day. Still, I can't help but wish for another glimpse of my face in the mirror, just as I had on the day of my test.

My days are too repetitive. I am still trying to learn how to repress my selfish tendencies. My initiation is different than the ones transfers undergo, not that we have many transfers – I think it was three this year.

I am strapping on my watch as I walk, it is too hard to stay in this house any longer. I know I don't belong here, but the woman who administered my test, Tori, her voice rings in my head. _Divergent. Divergent. Divergent. _

I frown, desperately wanting to tell someone, anyone, about my results. Maybe if I wasn't Abnegation, I could have told my mother; she seemed to have an odd gleam in her eye when I chose my faction.

_No. Don't think like that, Beatrice. You will keep your Divergence to yourself, and you will learn how to properly become a part of the Abnegation faction. This is the life you chose. _

I am stern with myself because I know that I need discipline. I worry that it won't be enough.

"Good morning, Beatrice." My mother greets me as I slip into my seat at the table. I purposely avoid looking at Caleb's empty seat as I greet her back.

Now that I have officially chosen my faction, I am treated as an adult. It has only been a couple of weeks since I made the choice, making me almost uncomfortable when someone addresses me. I am so used to speaking out of turn, my name sounds almost foreign without it's usual inflection of disapproval attached.

* * *

After our usual breakfast, it is now my responsibility to extend an offer of help to anyone that needs it. This is part of my Abnegation initiation. This is also where I come across difficulty.

Everyone knows me as Beatrice Prior, the abnegation girl that was always a little too selfish, a little too outspoken, a little to discontented with her life.

This is why they are not always sure of my offers, if they are genuine or not. The others always accept, they wouldn't be a part of Abnegation if they refused. But I can sense their hesitation with trusting me.

It doesn't bother me. I know I am an outsider.

Because of this lack of trust, I usually head out for initiation with Susan. She's quiet, but pleasant.

"How are you today, Susan?" I ask, keeping my gaze trained on the ground.

"I am well. Thank you for asking, Beatrice."

And that is the extent of our conversation. I spend hours a day with this girl, and we barely say two words to each other. Susan acts exactly how an Abnegation member should…the way I should…the way I can't.

Leaving Susan's company at night is my favorite part of the day. I know I am selfish for thinking this way, but being around her makes me angry. I hate that I have subjected myself to this way of living. I should have chosen Dauntless when I had the chance.

I am suddenly overcome with the desire to run. To run as fast as I possibly can and to jump onto the train, just like a Dauntless, and see where it takes me.

But, no. I am Beatrice Prior, and I am Abnegation.

* * *

**A/N: Before we start, I can't believe this is my 60th story posting on FF (I know my profile says 61, but the Gossip Girl story was written by my sister), So in light of that, I'd love it if we could get the first chapter to between 5-15 reviews! I'll make a bigger effort to get chapter 2 out if I know there are a lot of people who want to read it. =D**

**Well hi there! So, this is a big step for me. I just read _Divergent _ and _Insurgent_ over the weekend, and this concept really stuck with me. When Tris thinks that she and Tobias could have met if they both chose differently, I knew immediately that I would want to read that story. Instead I'm writing it. **

**This will probably be a couple of chapters, and they'll probably be a big gap in between them. I'm a full time college student and I have some family stuff going on that takes up all of my free time (and what little time I have left, I spend it sleeping =D )**

**I really need and want your commentary and thoughts on this. I need to know what you guys think about this AU version of Tris and eventually, Tobias. So, thanks in advance =D**

**And, just as an FYI- Tobias will definitely be appearing in the next chapter. I wanted to put him here, but instead I used this chapter to establish Tris a little bit. **


	2. Chapter 2

Abnegation days didn't seem this long when I wasn't an "official" member. I miss going to school and getting to see all of the other factions, even if I was supposed to keep to myself.

Abnegation initiation is short, just a couple of weeks. Now that mine is complete, I have a job in government. It's a very low level. I mostly organize paperwork or deliver messages. It is a good job for an Abnegation to have, it doesn't give me any encouragement to draw attention to myself.

The government building is interesting, but I refuse to let myself think about it. I have been working hard at becoming selfless, but I don't think I can help my natural curiosity.

Sometimes I think my mother and father know that there is something different about me. I catch them speaking in hushed tones, and then immediately stopping when I enter a room. More often than not, I will catch my father watching me, an odd expression on his face.

I wonder about it when I am in my bed, the only time I allow myself to think selfish thoughts. Do they know that I am Divergent? Is it written on my face, in my movements?

"_Divergent."_ I whisper to myself, late in the dead of night, when I know my parents are long asleep. It s such an ordinary word, but it means so much. Many nights, my difference is the last thing on my mind before I sleep.

The days continue monotonously, and my attempts at selflessness don't seem to be working. My mother left to visit Caleb in Erudite, even though our factions don't get along.

When I asked her how she would get in, it was very peculiar. She said that she had practice and not to worry, winking at me as she left the house.

I would have dwelled on her reaction longer, had my father not left for work immediately after, leaving me alone. These days didn't happen often, and I desperately needed the time to escape from the Abnegation monotony.

Being very careful, I tried to avoid everyone I knew as I snuck out. I didn't go far, just outside of our faction I had found a sort of cave. It was nothing special, but it would hide me from peering eyes, while giving me a view of the Dauntless on the train.

Once I am safely out of Abnegation, I sigh contentedly. Just being away from the identical cement houses has already calmed me down. I untie my bun, enjoying the way my hair feels when it falls around my shoulders. I don't go so far as to take off my long cloak; that feels like too much of a betrayal to my family. I do push up the sleeves in order to feel the sun on my skin.

I am reveling in my selfishness when a voice startles me.

"Why are you here?" It is a man's voice, but the sun is behind him, casting his face into the shadow.

I jump up, startled, and push down my sleeves and quickly twist my hair back.

"I'm sorry," I murmur, casting my eyes downwards, trying to remember how an Abnegation should act in this situation. The problem is, no Abnegation member would ever get into this situation. I have caused my own problems now.

The man steps farther into my hideout, and without the shadows against his face, I can see him properly.

He can see me too, since he says, "Oh, you're the Prior girl, aren't you?"

My blood boils at this, "I have a name. I'm not just 'the Prior girl!' That's insulting." I notice his grey clothes, "And you're Abnegation, you shouldn't be so rude."

As quickly as my anger comes, it recedes. I shouldn't have spoken like that. Whoever he is, he will go and tell my parents about this encounter, and that will be it for me.

I brace myself for the verbal lashing, but it never comes. Instead, he laughs. A real laugh, his head thrown back and his hands wrapped around his stomach.

Dumbfounded, I can only stare.

"I'm sorry," he says, composing himself, "I wasn't expecting so much fire from an Abnegation woman."

I smile when he calls me a woman. I am still referred to as a girl when I am inside the faction. I think it has to do with my small size.

He takes a seat on the stone floor, and after a moment's hesitation, I sit down as well.

"So, if you are more than just the Prior girl, what is your name?" he says, and then clarifies his statement, "I can't remember seeing you around much. If we had contact I would have remembered your name."

"It's alright," I say, mostly because his face isn't familiar to me either. His deep blue eyes are hypnotizing, and I could swear I've seen them before. "I can't say that I know your name either."

He smiles, but I notice it doesn't quite reach his eyes. I wonder why. "Tobias," he says.

I blink at him a few times. The only Tobias I know of in Abnegation is Tobias Eaton, Marcus Eaton's son. He must see something in my features, because he nods.

"Marcus Eaton is my father." His voice is monotone, and he averts his eyes from mine as he says this.

I'm quiet as I process this information. Marcus Eaton is one of our council members. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy to know his son is sneaking out, just like my father would kill me if he found out. Abnegation doesn't participate in gossip, but that doesn't stop us—or, well, me—from listening. I remember hearing something about Marcus Eaton years ago, but I can't put my finger on what.

"Well," Tobias says, breaking my train of thought, "Now you know my name. what about yours, Miss. Prior?"

My name, Beatrice, is on the tip of my tongue, but it won't come out. Instead, "Tris," falls from my lips.

Tobias looks at me strangely for a second, but then his expression changes, "It's nice to meet you, Tris."

I like the way my new name sounds on his lips. I think that I would do anything to make him say it forever.

* * *

**A/N: eh, only 4 reviews, but I really wanted to post this anyway. So we have the introduction of Abnegation!Tobias. I'd love to hear your thoughts. **

**If we could get this to like 10 or so reviews, that would completely make my life =D**

**Also, I'm posting before running to class, so some errors may not have been caught. **


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know how it happened, but I began to sneak out of Abnegation to see Tobias once a week. I saw him while we were inside the faction as well, but we couldn't talk freely.

"Why did you stay?" he asks me one day. We've been meeting for a few weeks now. Our conversations rarely last long; we are both too afraid of being caught.

I am slightly caught aback. Why did I stay? Was it really for my parents? The more I think about it, the more confused I become.

"My parents needed me," I what I decide to tell Tobias, despite it not being the entire answer.

He nods, accepting my answer, but there is something in his piercing gaze that tells me he doesn't quite believe that is my sole reason.

But now his question has made me curious. So I ask, "Why did _you _stay?"

His gaze, previously locked on mine, drops. He looks to the floor of our cave. _When did I start thinking of it as _our_ cave?_

"I," he starts, but the words seem to get caught in his throat. He tries again, "I was going to leave. I really was."

He says this in a way that makes me believe he is trying to convince himself. I remain silent, and allow him to continue.

"I think…that in the end…it wasn't worth leaving. My father would have made me pay for it, somehow." Tobias sighs heavily and leans back against the rocks, as if his explanation has taken all of the life out of him.

I don't know why, but I feel like he needs some kind of human contact. I tentatively reach my hand out and rest it on his forearm.

He flinches at the contact and I draw my hand back.

"I…I'm sorry." I can't look at him. Tobias looks at his watch.

"I have to go," he jumps up and leaves our cave, not sparing me a glance. I sit in the cave, watching him leave.

What did I do? I slowly began to get up and fix my hair back to Abnegation standards. I just don't understand his reaction.

As I'm leaving the cave, something he said catches up to me. He was worried about what his father would have done if he changed factions. Why would he be worried about his father?

As I sneak my way back into Abnegation, Tobias is the only thing that occupies my thoughts.

I see him in passing as I make my way back to my house. I want so desperately to catch his eye and to talk to him. But, I can't. The only thing I can do is nod my head carefully, keeping my eyes cast downwards.

"I'm sorry, Tris," his whisper is so soft I'm not even sure I heard it. But I take a quick look at his face, and I see the sadness in his eyes, and I know that he said it.

I just don't know why.

* * *

**A/N: I know this one is really short, but I think that the chapters are going to be shorter in general. It's easier for me to bang out a short chapter quicker. I'm still trying to decide what path this story is going to take; I have two or three different routes right now. Some of the earlier chapters are going to be filler, until I make the final decision. **

**Um, that being said, I hope you guys liked this =) Please drop me a review, they mean the world to me. **


	4. Chapter 4

Now I know why Tobias apologized to me. And I wish I didn't.

I realize it was not an apology for a past action, but an apology for a future one.

The cave is not the same when I am sitting in it all by myself.

But I have been coming. Every Wednesday, what became our day in no time, I come to the cave and I hope that this Wednesday will be the day he joins me.

I am proven wrong, time after time, Wednesday after Wednesday, and after a month of sitting by myself, I decide that I won't come to the cave again.

The silence hurts too much.

I can't help the tears that leak from my eyes as I make my way back into Abnegation. I want to wipe them away, need to wipe them away, have to wipe them away, but it feels good to cry.

And when everything else is hurting, I need something to feel good.

I studiously avoid Tobias now that I am back in Abnegation, casting my eyes downwards whenever I catch a glimpse of him. I fear that it will hurt too much to be around him.

I don't understand how it happened. How I became so attached to this boy- no, Tobias is a man- so quickly.

_He's different_. The traitorous voice in the back of my mind whispers. _He is not like the other Abnegation. He makes you feel. He makes you think. He allows you to be selfish. _

I can't let myself think that way. It is too dangerous.

So, after my few months of secret rebellion, I am back where I started. Except it is much worse this time. Now I know what it is like to not have to act like Abnegation all the time. And I know I will miss it. I know that this transition will be harder than my first.

Damn you, Tobias Eaton, Damn you.

It should not hurt this much, his rejection. But it does.

I should not care. But I do.

I should not be in love with Tobias Eaton. But I am.

It is the last revelation that shatters me. Immediately I wish that Tobias could have asked to marry me, like a proper Abnegation.

I wish we cold have been together. But now, that is impossible. He will never ask me to be his wife, not when he can't even look at me.

Damn you, Tobias Eaton.

* * *

**A/N: I know this is super short. I just really wanted to get something out to you guys. I feel so bad that I've fallen behind i updating everything. School and life have been really difficult lately. **

**I've been thinking about doing a chapter from Tobias' point of view that would kind of explain what's been going on with him during this. Would that be something you guys would like to see?**

**So this is only going to be a few more chapters. Hopefully I can get it finished before Allegiant comes out! Only 2 weeks! **

**Enjoy :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**TOBIAS POV:**

I hate myself.

The first thing I think every morning.

I hate myself.

I used to like myself. Even love myself.

That was before.

Before my mother died. Before Marcus…

I can't even bring myself to call him '_father_.'

After learning about my….difference…. I thought I could learn to like myself again.

I was right.

My _divergence_ made me different. It made me unique.

It makes me a target.

And not just to Marcus.

To everyone.

But not to her.

The Prior girl. Tris.

She doesn't know about my _divergence_. But I think that even if she did…

Stop, Tobias. Stop thinking that way. You know it is wrong.

Wrong and dangerous.

But I can't help myself.

Tris sticks to my thoughts like a fly in a spider's web. Her every action. I can't stop thinking about her.

That unusual spark in her eye. So different from any other Abnegation that I've met.

So similar to the spark that lights the eyes of the Dauntless.

Dauntless.

She couldn't be…

If she is…

Don't think it. You can't ask her. She shouldn't tell you.

* * *

I've never been Abnegation. This I know.

But I am too cowardly for Dauntless.

But maybe I can change that. Maybe I can prove myself.

Jeanine's plan is a good one. She knows it. I know it.

I wish I could stop it.

Jeanine has a plan. But I have my own.

A rebellion. A rebellion that could change everything.

It could also kill me. Will probably kill me.

I've made mistakes.

Staying in Abnegation. Mistake.

Not standing up to my father. Mistake.

Getting too close to Tris. I wish I could call it a mistake. But…

Breaking her heart? Mistake.

I can see it in her eyes. The hurt that she's trying to hide. The hurt that we both know shouldn't be shown. The hurt that I blame myself for.

The hurt that I will try my hardest to get rid of.

I wish I didn't have to push her away. I wish I could pull her close and hold her tight.

I wish I knew where the strength behind these feelings came from.

Maybe it is a result of being _divergent_. Feeling more. Feeling deeper.

I don't hate it. I can't hate it. Can't hate her.

I hate myself for leaving her like that. In our cave. Alone.

I will regret it forever.

But maybe I can make it up to her.

I can be completely honest.

I can tell her.

I can be with her.

* * *

The next time I see Tris, I have the small slip of paper crushed in my sweaty hand.

She avoids my eye again, giving me a nod as she looks at her shoes.

"Tris," I whisper so gently I can't be sure she even heard me.

She pauses, but doesn't look up. I'm trying to restrain the smile that is threatening to break on my face.

"Take this," I say, sliding the paper from my hand to hers, selfishly brushing my fingers against hers.

I can only hope that she reads it.

* * *

**A/N: This is an interesting one. I know the format is really weird, but I kind of felt that it was appropriate. I don't really know how to write Tobias, so I hope I did him justice. Pretty please review and let me know what you think :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I am SOOOO sorry for posting the wrong chapter! I feel like a total idiot. Life stress is finally getting to me. I should also learn to label documents better :/**

* * *

_Tris,_

_Meet me at our cave. _

_Please._

_Tobias_

I tell myself that I shouldn't go. That going will ruin my recent efforts to be more of a proper member of Abnegation.

But he says _our cave_ and I know that I have to go.

I know I will regret it if I don't.

But I also know that Tobias Eaton is the love of my life, despite only knowing him for a few months.

I know that if this is his way of rejecting me…I won't be able to go on.

But I still go to our cave.

He is already there when I walk in. The sight of him sparks my anger and before he can say a word, my hand is leaving a red mark on his cheek.

"Well, I deserved that" he says.

"Don't even try to make excuses—" I pause, his words finally catching up to me, "Oh, yes. Yes, you did deserve that."

"I'm sorry, Tris. I truly am. I had my reasons for staying away. And I regret it, " he reached out to grasp my hand. I want to pull away, as if I am still angry with him, but I know that I can't.

For some reason, Tobias and I are connected. A bond has formed between us, one that I have never known before.

It scares me, but excites me as well.

Tobias coughs a little, and I realize he is waiting for my response.

"I believe you. I just…would like an explanation," I find myself saying, and it is the truth. I do think he is sorry for ignoring me. His reasons may be valid, but I would like to hear them.

He nods, "Of course. I shouldn't have expected anything less from you. "

He gently pulls me down so we are sitting against the cave wall, the sides of our bodies pressed against each other.

The feeling of his body against mine, sends a jolt through me and sparks pleasant tingling.

"I have quite a bit to tell you," he looks into my eyes and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear, "Do you have the time?"

I nod, unsure of my ability to speak with him this close to me.

"Good. I think the first thing you should know is that my feelings for you run deeper than any feelings I've ever had before," Tobias pauses, a strange look on his face.

I can't help the smile that breaks across my face, "That is good to know, since my feelings are more than likely the same."

Tobias smiles at me now, "Then I don't think saying this is too forward. Tris Prior, I am falling in love with you."

Words are failing me, so I angle my body and cup his face in my hand, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. I hope that he understands everything I am trying to tell him through that kiss.

He threads his hands into my hair and pulls me closer.

Something about it feels almost desperate, as if he is trying to hold water in his cupped hands.

Before I can think about it too much, we have separated. Tobias leans his forehead against mine.

"Tris, I love you."

I want to say it now, "Tobias, I love you."

The words slip off of my tongue easily, as if they have always been there, waiting to be said.

Tobias wraps his arm loosely around my shoulders and pulls me close. Suddenly, I am overcome with the immense relief that I decided to come to our cave.

"What does this mean for us now?" I ask, hating to break the comfortable silence that had settled over us.

I can feel Tobias sigh, and it sounds heavy. I wonder what he is holding on to.

"There are a lot of things going on in the government, Tris. It's messy," Tobias scrubs a hand over his close cropped hair, and I can't help but wonder what this has to do with me. With us.

I want to ask questions, but I also get the sense that this is difficult for Tobias to talk about.

Maybe I shouldn't interrupt him.

He is quiet for so long, I jump, startled when he finally blurts out, "Marry me?"

His words don't register until a moment later, "What?"

He laughs, "I…sorry. You don't have to say yes or anything. I just wanted…in case….with everything that's going on. And I just don't want to lose any more time with you."

He wants to _marry me_. I am having a difficult time wrapping my head around it. A thought hits me.

The things that are going on in the government must be bad. Why else would he ask me to marry him so quickly.

I gently twist my fingers with his, and look down at them. Our hands look so right together.

"Yes," I say, "Yes. I will marry you, Tobias."

A smile spreads across my face as he lets out a whoop of joy. He is so unlike the Abnegation in this moment, and I fall in love with him just a little bit more.

"I'm going to ask your father as soon as we get back," he says, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear and kissing me again.

"Good," I say, "If we are to be married, we'd better start the process in the Abnegation way. Although, being around you all the time will make it harder for me to pretend that I am selfless all the time."

I realize that I still haven't told Tobias about my divergence. The thought nags at me; my difference is something my future husband should know.

"There is something else you should know, Tris," Tobias's smile has slipped off of his face and he looks serious now. Serious and far older than his eighteen years, "The problems with the government? They will be leading to a rebellion soon."

"A what?" I gasp. A rebellion? But, why? How?

"There are a lot of things that people aren't happy with," his eyes are steely.

"Including you," I say, a statement, not a question.

"Including me," he agrees, "I don't want to force you into anything. I don't want to put you in any danger."

I know what he is going to ask.

I also know that I will do anything to be by his side.

So when he asks, "Tris, will you join the rebellion with me?"

My answer is already ready.

"Yes."

* * *

**A/N: Well, this has been a fun ride. This is the last chapter. I purposely ended it with this kind of ambiguous ending because I didn't want to get into rewriting the entire trilogy. I'm super satisfied with it and I'll leave it up to your imaginations as to what happens to Tris and Tobias. (Hint: my headcanon has them happily married with like three kids) **

**Also, I'd with you all a Happy Allegiant Day, but that damn book killed me. I won't spoil anything, but if you have read it, drop me a review, PM or an inbox on my Tumblr (wewillbefinetony) with your thoughts and opinions. I'll even give you mine if you want. **

**Please don't ask me if I'll continue this story. I will not be continuing it. I will, however, be taking prompts for any other fourtris story you'd want to see me write. And for those of you that have read Allegiant, I'll be living in AU land, come visit...it's a happy place. **

**Lastly, I wanted to thank all of you that have reviews, favorited, and followed. It means the world to me. :3 **

**Until the next story. xo**


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